Day 50

Munich. I left my home country and it’s day 50 out of tentatively 730.

I left in a rush. With only 2 months notice, I left the life that I’ve known since forever–my family, friends, colleagues in my high profile(?) high paying corporate scientist-project manager job thousands of miles away. I’m technically still employed but on leave.

I left my very spacious and homey flat of more than 6 years. I’m still not settled in here.

I don’t speak the language.

I left to study some kind of physics. I studied some kind of undergraduate physics. But that was a lifetime ago. I last did differentiation and integration more than ten years ago.

What was I thinking?

I decided to jump in and alter my course. My ultimate reason is, and this I articulated when my father shot that important question at me. He does get me grounded. My answer was that I wanted to grow. I wanted to grow technically, culturally, psychologically, emotionally. And there’s no better way to achieve that goal than by getting out of my comfort zone.

I wanted to learn new things and I imagine doing computational stuff in my field in an entirely different setting. I wanted to meet new, interesting, passionate people. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted a challenge. And something in me wants to exercise the choice to find my little spot on Earth and quietly settle down.

When I received the go signal from the legal, business and logistical perspective, that is all the necessary permissions to leave everything behind, it was all frantic and dramatic. The decision felt right and still does. Although now, I’m anxious. The question that popped more than once in my head recently: what am I doing with my life? I go about my routine or at the very least, trying to establish it. Everything feels surreal. I am still in the transition zone.

And people? Well, people are just walking miracles. For this, I acknowledge the following:

• My classmate back in grad school, who I met up in Morges during the visit to underground lab at CERN, for her warm hospitality, kindness, for imparting wisdom and experience; 
• One of my closest friends who I’ve known since undergrad, who I visited in Maastricht with her cute little family, for her hospitality, helpfulness, generosity; 
• My first flatmate in Munich, the cool and smart Turkish girl who made me laugh and articulate what I feel, and finally 
• To someone whose warmth, kindness and thoughtfulness caught me off guard, for patiently teaching me the essential survival stuff in Europe such as how not to be cold, for showing me around, for being there so I don’t get lost in space and translation, and most importantly for sharing his world so I don’t feel too alone. He came too early but temporarily left so that now I find myself reporting to his parents as I wait for his arrival. I look forward to getting to know him more.

It still surprises me especially that last bit. In any case, everything is a novelty.

As a final note, I spent 10 years in a job that truly fulfilled me so I could say, yes I am older. And so with age and experience, I could say that life is indeed short so my parting note to anybody reading this is to enjoy, do something bold once in a while, be careful, take calculated risks, be responsible, make mistakes, correct them, allow yourself to be vulnerable, be independent, see the world, don’t rush, make friends, try not to hurt people, explore, dream, discover, love.