Just before my trip to India, a terrible news broke out about a young lady who was brutally gang-raped in a moving bus and consequently died of her injuries. The incident must have stoked the silent mounting rage of the citizens because a series of protest marches followed. As what could be expected, more reports of abuses and crimes against women in the country flowed out of the news as these unsettling stories finally found a place in the public consciousness fuelling the outcry for justice.
On my first night in Delhi, I checked out the local news on TV, which is pretty much my practice every time I am in a different place despite the language barrier. I heard updates on the gang rape case and the beheading of Indian soldiers by Pakistanis at the border. I don’t plan to set foot in the contested district where it happened but my tour will get me close to the border, actually 50 km according to Mr. Anil, my driver.
Such are the realities. Every place has more than one harsh reality, even our own hometowns.
In cases like this, the practice of being ever vigilant, polite and smart stands. But without meaning to, I was slowly drawn in. It’s hard not to because of the richness of their history and their vast heritage, their struggles as a nation, the complexity of their religions, the long-held traditions and the diversity of their peoples. I slowly acquainted myself with the prevailing culture and the hard unadulterated reality of the place I’m visiting by observing, asking questions and mingling with a few locals. I tried to feel the peoples’ pulse and understand from their point of view. I was always extra careful, remembering that I’m only a guest and that I was never asked to come to their place, but invited myself in. I played by the rules as long as they’re aligned with my principles. I dressed very conservatively sometimes to the point of inconvenience. Finally, I was extra cautious at critiquing, just only if I have to, so I don’t come off as insensitive, condescending or just conspicuously ignorant.
A few days into the tour, I began noticing the designs of temples, palaces and cities with respect to the place of women in them or rather behind them, literally. In some cities, I was told that women back in the day were prohibited to be seen in public. That fact wasn’t new to me. I’ve read these things in books but seeing how it unfolded is different.
With this, small intricate windows and screened balconies in City Palaces were built so royal women can see everyday life without appearing in public. While ordinary women got away when secret chambers within the cities were built so they can pass by and mingle with other women. The fact that special provisions had to be made to accommodate a little bit of women’s liberty, it seemed to me that women were such a huge inconvenience back then.
Playing the idiot-savant (as one of my mentors coined the term for a specific purpose), I asked how women are treated these days like if the tradition still curbs women’s independence and freedom and if they are treated as men’s equals. I was told that it had improved. The exact response was that the improvement wasn’t 100% or ideal, maybe 70% but it’s getting better. I interpreted it as more work to be done. It was an honest answer.
Going farther into more rural places that seemed untouched by time except for the evidence of the ubiquitous cellphones, it was more apparent and I felt it. All working personnel from guards, storekeepers, hotel staff were men. I searched and searched for women but they were inside their houses. I almost felt embarrassed to be traveling solo as a woman openly, brazenly entering the city wearing my hair long, freely strolling in this place where local women were kept out of sight, where women were kept in houses dressed in traditional clothes. Despite my thick turtleneck long-sleeves, long pants and shawl, I felt I still had to cover my hair. It seems like I owe an apology for this over reaction but I felt men’s direct gaze too, could they be surprised to see a brown-skinned lady traveling by herself in this place?
There was one crucial point when I needed a woman for some kind of emergency but there was just nobody to approach. I felt I was such an inconvenience. So I ended up asking fellow female travellers, thank God for them. It is also through encounters with fellow travellers (mostly older Caucasians) that I began to observe how the locals are relating with the “untouchables” (lower caste) and I took particular interest in the untouchable women in my photos. The British couple I was chatting with over breakfast described their observations: locals talk down to the untouchables. The discrimination is clear and present.
It was all very different especially coming from a family where men are outnumbered (just my father) with a mother and 4 daughters. I always had a voice, was never made to feel an inconvenience and was never restrained because I’m a woman. Growing up, my sisters and I were always encouraged to do well, be free and independent, take charge, lead, heck even debate and earn the ire of my father. Gender was never an issue or an excuse.
At times I know I take this voice far and strong, carry it in my work in the mountains towards military men reporting for duty. I asked them to leave and they felt disrespected when all they intended was protect my team. Or I talk very sternly and direct to a male tribe elder who yelled back at me and the rest of people I’m representing for 3 hours or so. I must have come off as a smug lady outsider insensitive to their culture. That was just two of the many things that fell through the cracks of my young, careless spirit.
So it is also in this light that I recall a visit in our office by a very high-ranking female American corporate. She hung out a little with my female colleagues and myself. She started speaking about how pleased she was to see a large group of women like us in the workforce, more so scientists and engineers and that this seemed rare based on what she’s seen around Asia.
In my own little world, and anybody could argue the case that my little world is sheltered, I never felt like it was such a special case until now. I didn’t feel it because at work, I had never been discriminated or felt discriminated as a woman. I reasoned out and argued with people, regardless of their gender, but more so with men only because of their prevalence in the kind of work that I do. Gender is never an issue but in some places, it is a clear and present reality.
